The Dink Network

Let's All Play Dink Smallwood (Screenshot LP)

February 28th 2014, 03:43 AM
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Cocomonkey
Bard Male United States
Please Cindy, say the whole name each time. 
Welcome to "Let's All Play Dink Smallwood," a screenshot LP by Cocomonkey!

Before the whole "Let's Play" video thing took off, the phrase "Let's Play" generally referred to forum topics where people went through a game with a series of screenshots accompanied by text. In between updates, people would vote/suggest what to do next. Of course, this sort of thing works MUCH better on a forum where you can display images, but I'm going to do the best I can here. Make sure to click all of the links as soon as you get to them, or this won't make much sense! ...To be honest, it probably won't make much sense anyway, but that's half the fun.

Of course, we're all familiar with this game, but I intend to do things differently in this run. Read on, and be sure to post your suggestions afterward! I guarantee you'll be surprised by what you find.

OK, so let's start. In the beginning, Dink Smallwood was spontaneously formed into being inside a tiny house, where his mother told him to do the same boring chores she always does.

Dink grabs the pig feed and heads north. Hey, what the Hell is up with this "town" anyway? Why would you put a fence around three houses and give it a name? Dink's mom's property takes up a third of her hometown. Think about that.

Dink finds a way to rebel against his mother's commands. Take that, mom! Either that, or he's gone insane already. It's kind of hard to tell.

Some jerk shows up and taunts him, but I think he may be blind or crazy, as the answer to his question is quite obvious.

Dink's mom is none the wiser about his son's betrayal (for now, at least). He sends him off to talk to some old person that I don't care about, and neither should you! The only correct way forward is to punch her stupid duck before it can get a word off. That way, we don't have to go into her booze-stained house anymore.

Upon going home, Dink's slave-driver lays another "do my dumb chores" trip on him, but he's not having any more of that. You're not the boss of me anymore, MOM! I'm sixteen years old, GOSH. Or however old Dink is. I dunno. Anyway, her "get AlkTree nuts" quest is dumb, and she'd never use them anyway if we did get them, so I'm going west instead. I mean, I want adventure here! The box didn't say "Exciting chores-doing action."

Oh, but first Dink runs into a tiny wizard man and immediately puts his foot in it. Dink really needs to work on improving his sensitivity toward hilarious small people in adorable hats.

Not far into the game, I encounter what I think must be a serious bug. You see, there's this complete jerk who wants to swindle people out of 100 gold in order to let them cross a bridge that is clearly public property. So I do what we do to jerks - punch them until they either stop being jerks, or simply stop being - and this happens. Clearly, this can't be right. donkeys are not supposed to be invincible, especially not donkeys standing on bridges that clearly don't belong to them.

So, I went into the scripts and I found the problem almost immediately. I've indicated it for you here. I don't mean to put down the hard work of the developers, but it's a shame they left in an oversight that's so easily corrected. Anyway, I went ahead and fixed it. Back to the game.

Oh my goodness, yes. YES. I've got to level with you guys, I think this is the most fun I've ever had.

...Hmmm, maybe Dink got a little bit TOO into it, actually. Attracted a bit of attention. Oh well, I'm sure nobody's going to miss that guy.

With that out of the way, Dink marches on to Terris to continue his magnificent "Festival of Not Giving a Crap." Soon, a sign catches his eye. This would be a good way to get that annoying mom of Dink's off his back.

Dink inquires about the sign with the gentleman he meets inside the house, who seems a little too happy to see Dink. He introduces himself.

Unfortunately, Dink commits a bit of a social faux pas early in the conversation. Thinking quickly, he manages to save it. Yup, smooth as silk.

The house ends up being a bit outside Dink's price range of "no money." Selecting the highlighted option, he tells Charlie that he doesn't have QUITE that much, but he'll be back, and leaves.

Okay, I think that's enough to get us started! Let me know what you think we should do next! Should Dink try to raise the money to buy a house? Should he go back and do his mom's dumb chores after all? Or something else? This game is full of possibilities.
February 28th 2014, 04:52 AM
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ExDeathEvn
Peasant Male New Zealand xbox steam
Don't look at me, I'm a ghost 
Oh, the possibilities in this! DO WANT.

I suggest finding a way to make some serious cash and buying a weapon, so that you can make some more cash almost instantly by robbing the guy you just bought a weapon from. Because physics.
February 28th 2014, 05:23 AM
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Iplaydink
Peasant Male Sweden steam
Hmm.. 
Hahaha that was fun...

Hm yeah dink should probably find a way to get some money! Maybe he coul search for treasures or help people who isn't his mum and actually pays him!
February 28th 2014, 10:33 AM
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Quiztis
Peasant Male Sweden steam bloop
Life? What's that? Can I download it?! 
Next step:

Twitch plays DINK SMALLWOOD
February 28th 2014, 01:38 PM
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iplaydink
Peasant Male Sweden steam
Hmm.. 
Haha.. XD
February 28th 2014, 05:29 PM
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Cocomonkey
Bard Male United States
Please Cindy, say the whole name each time. 
Hmm, I'm still trying to decide how Dink should try to make his money.

[Too late, I realize that I should have had the bridge guy award experience. Oh well.]
February 28th 2014, 07:58 PM
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Robj
Jester Male Australia
You feed the madness, and it feeds on you. 
Dink Should steal some cookies, and sell them on the corner for money, and then steal them back from the customers who bought them, for later resale again.

Either that or he can just sell himself on the corner. Not sure how many customers he'd get though.
March 1st 2014, 02:03 PM
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shevek
Peasant Netherlands
Never be afraid to ask, but don't demand an answer 
Given his current track record, I think the best way for him to make money is to go to a bar and find someone who wants to rob a bank or so; there are always people who do. Then after they succeed (of course they will, Dink is the greatest!), he should probably kill him so he can get all the cash.
March 1st 2014, 06:56 PM
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iplaydink
Peasant Male Sweden steam
Hmm.. 
Or maybe he can force orphans to sew herb boots for dink to sell?
March 2nd 2014, 06:05 AM
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metatarasal
Bard Male Netherlands
I object 
Knowing Dink he'll probably sell his soul to bishop Nelson. Who needs a soul when you can get a house, right?
March 3rd 2014, 09:17 PM
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Cocomonkey
Bard Male United States
Please Cindy, say the whole name each time. 
Dink decides to go treasure hunting north of Terris - a perfectly reasonable method of home financing. Y'know, wandering around that area, I realize how friggin' empty it is. If this were a DMOD, I'd be razzing the hell out of it for having such a boring, empty area.

Anyway, Dink does find a bit of treasure. He shrewdly locates a health increase, and steals a megapotion from an unwitting giant pillbug. He also found a "magic potion" somewhere, whatever THAT does. Only once, though, does he get any closer to his goal, robbing 200 gold from an abandoned looking house.

This isn't working. Dink isn't tough enough to fight the enemies that are inexplicably money piñatas, and he can't afford a weapon, which is pretty much required for most of the suggestions I've seen. Therefore, he decides to go get those AlkTree nuts - maybe he can pawn them off on somebody for a bit of cash.

Unfortunately, this turns out to be a bad idea. Never leave witnesses, Dink. Since resisting arrest would just get him killed, Dink cooperates.

Dink is brought before the King. Give him some credit, he does at least TRY to make an excuse, but if it has any impact at all, it's only a reduced sentence. Well, at least the cell is roomy. They took Dink's money, sadly. Ironically, he still has the bag of pig feed.

Dink tries to pass the time by playing "I spy with my little eye" with the guard, but he won't play along. What a stuffed shirt! Um... breastplate. Whatever.

Dink receives a couple of visitors. It seems that the bridge guy really wasn't lying about having 'kids to feed,' how about that? Can't say I'm sorry, he was still a douche bag.

Uh oh, the next visitor is Dink's mom, and she's not happy. As for Dink, his excuses are getting lamer. She really reads him the riot act, and it seems like this isn't the only thing that's gone wrong for her today.

An odd possibility occurs to dink, but his Mom is less than interested in Dink's "what if" games. Pretty soon, he's alone again.

Well, crap, guys! That was a short adventure! Unless any of you have an idea on how we should proceed from here? Oh, and if we do manage to get back on track (or backtrack, if we have to), you should also tell me what stats you want to focus on at level up. Your input counts!
March 3rd 2014, 10:46 PM
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ExDeathEvn
Peasant Male New Zealand xbox steam
Don't look at me, I'm a ghost 
Another hilarious installment, great work! Looking forward to seeing what happens next...
March 4th 2014, 01:03 AM
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leprochaun
Peasant Male Japan xbox steam bloop
Responsible for making things not look like ass 
Dink should head on over to windermere now Then have him get stuck over there because Milder feels like being a dick and breaks the bridge after Dink crosses.
March 4th 2014, 01:13 AM
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Cocomonkey
Bard Male United States
Please Cindy, say the whole name each time. 
Yeah, but how would he do that? He's stuck in a prison cell.
March 4th 2014, 01:29 AM
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leprochaun
Peasant Male Japan xbox steam bloop
Responsible for making things not look like ass 
Maybe he just walks through the wall because someone forgot to make that sprite hard.
March 4th 2014, 01:37 AM
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DinkKiller
Peasant Male United States xbox steam
The world could always use more heroes 
This should be made into an actual D-Mod
March 4th 2014, 02:55 AM
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synbi
Peasant Male Finland
 
Ha, these are a great read

: This should be made into an actual D-Mod

True that, it's kind of strange actually that after all these years not one mod (that I recall... Milder!! 1 doesn't count!) has been made to expand the original Dink game, adding things to it or expanding the story like you're doing here.
March 4th 2014, 05:14 AM
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metatarasal
Bard Male Netherlands
I object 
Things aren't all that bad, after all Dink does have a place to stay now... I suggest Dink starts a prison gang. Or perhaps Dink will join an existing prison gang known as the cast. Their goal of overthrowing the guy who send him to prison for a decade sounds appealing after all. The coup d'etat won't work out, but perhaps life as an outlaw will work for him. He just won't manage to force little children into slavery to earn him money this way. Ah well...

Oh and as for stats: Defense, Always defense. Dink will get beaten up a lot, with a lot of defense he might survive.
March 4th 2014, 04:55 PM
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iplaydink
Peasant Male Sweden steam
Hmm.. 
The wall just south of the bed looks damaged.. maybe Dink can somehow make the hole big enough for him to get through?
March 4th 2014, 09:43 PM
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Skull
Peasant Male Finland bloop
"I'd like to be a tree..." 
Martridge appears and promises to free Dink in return of him mowing Martridge's lawn.
March 4th 2014, 10:46 PM
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Robj
Jester Male Australia
You feed the madness, and it feeds on you. 
"Martridge appears and promises to free Dink in return of him mowing Martridge's lawn."

And while mowing Martridges lawn, Dink gets an irresistible urge to use the lawn mower to cut off Martridges beard, the lawnmower cant handle it and stops working, so Dink knocks Martridge out with the lawnmower by throwing at him. Martridge wakes up 4 hours later, confused, disorientated and now thinks he's Gandalf, and thus changes his sign from "Private property! Keep out! - Wizard Martridge" TO "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!".
March 7th 2014, 07:07 PM
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Cocomonkey
Bard Male United States
Please Cindy, say the whole name each time. 
When we last left our hero, his butt (and the rest of him for that matter) had been put into jail. He's been there for a while now.

Suddenly, that wizard guy from earlier appears in a puff of magic that I didn't manage to get in a screenshot! He's not pleased with Dink either. This seems to be a trend.

Dink realizes that this guy knows his name, but Dink still doesn't know his. He tries to engage in witty reparteé. It kind of backfires.

Martridge: I am the Wizard Martridge, and I'm here against my better judgment to help you.

Dink: That's cool. Beggars can't be choosers.

Martridge even gives Dink the spell of fireball, a strength potion, and a magic potion! What a nice guy.

Apparently, Martridge has a good reason to be here. It's not so clear what it is, though.

Dink: What is it?

Martridge: All will be revealed to you in time.

Dink knows BS when he hears it, but the wiz ain't budging. Whatever, on to more pressing concerns: this room, and how does Dink get out of it? Dink asks martridge and... no. No dang way.

HOW DID YOU KNOW, LEPROCHAUN? HOW DID YOU KNOW

...

Well, that was weird. Because he's just walking off screen, as we all know, he could be anywhere on the actual map, and Dink ends up in a strange place. Shivering, he trudges to the west, where something odd happens.

...Wait a minute, that can't be right. We must have run into another bug, let me fix that real quick.

Okay, done. As I was saying, Dink encounters a very odd scene. There is some messed up junk going on here. Dink reacts with incredulity.

The knights Dink encounters seem hostile toward him, but have their problems with each other, too. To Dink's surprise, however, it seems there's actually something to their bizarre religion. Now there's something you don't see every day.

The delicious diety knows of Dink and approves of his adventures! Dink is glad to finally get some support. He receives a boon from the strange diety: some new clothes to help him go undiscovered as a fugitive. Dink puts them on.

There are some inexplicable rules about Dink's new duds.

Dink: Um... why?

I guess gods work in mysterious ways.

The tasty titan also offers some future help to Dink. It seems rather conditional, though. With that, Dink is magically transported back between Stonebrook and Terris. The duck is unimpressed with his fantastic appearance.

--
Okay, so let's review where we are for a second. Dink is a fugitive, but the law is pretty lax around here. The cloak should be enough to deflect casual suspicion, but identifying himself or talking to the King is probably not a hot idea. We should be careful about criminal activity, too: if they catch Dink again, he's likely to get executed. For some reason, a sword or bow isn't an option without revealing himself before arming them. When Dink's in trouble, he may have a one-time out by praying to the Meat God, but only if said God is pleased that Dink's recent conduct has not been "lame," whatever that means.
--

Dink celebrates his newfound freedom by roasting some pillbugs, and puts his first level point into defense. Suddenly, he's put into a quandary.

What should Dink tell this guy his name is? And what should he do next? Martridge mentioned some kind of "destiny." Presumably that involves more than buying a house - anyway, that's so much money that maybe it should be more of a long-term goal.

[Cloak graphics by MsDink.]

[Lord, this is a lot of work.]
March 7th 2014, 08:16 PM
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ExDeathEvn
Peasant Male New Zealand xbox steam
Don't look at me, I'm a ghost 
Well, why not name himself a prophet of the Meat God? it makes sense considering he was given some Divine assistance.

"Hop. Porkc' Hop. I am a Prophet of the Meat God" has a nice ring to it.

Although I do wonder where Hop is headed, since he's walked east from the duck in the direction of either Martridge's place or the Alk-Tree. After all the great and evil Meat God nemesis, The Darklands Pig, is in the other direction.
March 8th 2014, 04:33 AM
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leprochaun
Peasant Male Japan xbox steam bloop
Responsible for making things not look like ass 
I didn't realize you were actually going with that. I just waned to throw something ridiculous out there. Guess I underestimated how far you're willing to go. Anyways, the meat god failed to mention that dink could wield a staff. And if he has a staff he can make it do all sorts of things. Like running a store that makes him money. That's what a staff is for after all.

Dink's never been too clever with names. He'll probably end up starting to say his name then change something minor partly through. "I'm Dink Smallwo-berries. Smallberries. Yeah, Dink Smallberries. That's my name". Or since he's near the alk nut tree…

Maybe Dink goes to the future and plays the new Halo game? Is that a possibility?

Dink can't buy a house anymore now that he's a wanted criminal. He probably doesn't realize that though.

March 18th 2014, 05:48 AM
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metatarasal
Bard Male Netherlands
I object 
What should Dink tell this guy his name is?

Bond, James Bond.

And what should he do next? Martridge mentioned some kind of "destiny."

Go after the ladies? Destiny can wait, after all destiny is supposed to be inevitable...

March 18th 2014, 10:39 AM
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leprochaun
Peasant Male Japan xbox steam bloop
Responsible for making things not look like ass 
What if "destiny" is a lady? Hmm? What then, meta?
March 18th 2014, 11:58 AM
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metatarasal
Bard Male Netherlands
I object 
Even better! Combining the useful and the pleasant. This is of course assuming that destiny is useful and the lady pleasant (or the other way around).
May 21st, 09:30 PM
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Ghostlight
Ghost
 
Does anyone have any of the screenshots from this thread downloaded or saved anywhere? Getting 'image unavailable' errors from photobucket when I try to look at any of them.
May 24th, 07:28 AM
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Silberfarben
Peasant
Lord Silberfarben, mighty ruler of the Silbershire 
Strange, i seem to be able to access them easily...
I just click the link. maybe there is something strange with the screenshots??
May 24th, 10:47 AM
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SlipDink
Peasant Male United States bloop
2nd generation. No easy way to be free. 
I tried a few of the links from photobucket too, and found there was no problem for me.

Are there some specific links/images you want/need to see?
May 24th, 04:38 PM
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Ghostlight
Ghost
 
They seem to be working now, not sure why they weren't before. Maybe Photobucket was down or something for a while, I checked a few times over the course of an hour.